Day #1 - Water Fast

Today was my first day going through the detoxification of a water fast...and surprisingly, it's not that bad! I filled my ipod with audio programs and relaxing music, turned off my cell phone and clock, closed the curtains and doors to my bedroom, turned off the lights and just relaxed. I experienced the pangs of hunger on and off throughout the day, usually after filling up my stomach with water to get that "full" feeling, but overall not too bad. I stayed hydrated all day, remembering to drink about 16 oz of water every hour or so (not sure! didn't have a clock! :). During the process I noticed that weird memories kept coming up, especially related to past relationships, not just romantic, but strong friendships as well. Most of them were related to memories back in Turkey.

For all those who don't know, I spent a year and a half teaching English in Istanbul, Turkey where I had some of the best and worst times ever. Lot's of strong emotional attachment was created there, and it has definitely been a struggle unwinding the knotted spiderweb that I created. The time I spent there was so life changing, and I went through a journey of such self realization. It was the first time that I had nobody to depend on but myself. No longer did I have the shoulders of loved ones, or familiar places to comfort me if I was ever in distress. My surroundings where completely foreign and unfamiliar, and it got a bit overwhelming at times. Slowly I carved out a life, developed friendships, learned the language and culture, and started calling it "home." When I would travel other places, I would soon miss the familiar sights and smells that filled the streets in Istanbul, and when I would be back where the mosques and Turkish flags rolled freely over hills and roadsides I would feel at peace. I would tell myself I was back home. When I started distinguishing my life in Istanbul as my home, my emotions took over. It soon became too much to handle, and I felt a burden, like I was carrying the smog of the city's pollution on my shoulders. I soon stopped going out with friends, and became a recluse wandering the streets. I suppose I knew that I would soon leave, for soon after I did decide that it was time to go back to my native home, Portland. Of course, when I did return I had to "un-shock" myself, and it took a toll on my health. I fell into a state of chronic fatigue, depression, digestive issues, skin irregularities, weight gain, bladder and yeast infections...the works. I was a very unhappy soul being swallowed up by the pain that consumed my mind, body and spirit.

This leads me to where I am today. I became a live foodarian and a superfoodarian because of a sudden, very strong force of resistance that bubbled up to the surface from who knows where. One day I refused to succumb to levels I was allowing myself to sink to, and told myself that I would turn my life around. I started engulfing myself in every piece of information I could get my hands on and, after a short journey, stumbled into raw food. It was almost overnight that I decided to try out the diet, and never stopped. I am changed for the better because of this journey. I have always liked adventures, and so far raw food has kept me on my toes the entire ride. Now I am going back to school to study food nutrition. Funny how life takes the strangest twists and turns.

Anyway, I say all that to say this fast is finally bringing up those memories. And like a owner guides his dog on a leash, my memories guide my emotions and I am forced to deal with them. It is not a bad thing, as I feel this is the appropriate time to deal with them, knowing they will have to come up eventually. The most important thing I've discovered is not to beat myself over them. Past is past, and as much as some of it hurts, it never goes away unless I acknowledge it, forgive the person and myself. I cry a little if I must at times, then move on. I've been judging myself less and less, and that has let me experience huge amounts of release.

When fasting there tends to be a void where the food usually goes. This food usually acts like a clogged drain. The water (emotions) fill up in the sink very fast, all at once, and the crud (food) makes the water drain very very slow. This water will soon become dead, rancid and host many critters like bacteria. This is what happens in our body, and the more we let these emotions become stagnant, the harder they will be to deal with when we do unclog. If we never unclog we will always carry this forever increasing burden, creating many dis-eases. I am finding out that the easiest way is to deal with them as they come, and practice the art of living in the present. Overeating is a way to fill this void, but we don't realize that the more we use to fill it, the more expanded the void becomes, and then the more we have to eat to fill it. A vicious cycle. I'm using fasting as a way to fill the gap in the void, allowing me to unclog my drain. What a relief! Everyone should experience something like this, even for a short time. Go one day without eating just to experience the unfamiliar feelings that become so present to the moment.

One time I tried to do a juice fast, and I really wasn't mentally and emotionally in the right place. I just up and decided that I should do it because it is something everyone must do at one point or another an I should just get it over with. Uh-uh, no way sister. I lasted a very short amount of time, and I got so freaked out by what was happening that I went on a massive binge eating parade. It was still raw, but it was avocado, coconut oil, chocolate fudges, heavy dressings, flax cookies and crackers. Anything that would fill me up to the point where I was numb. It was a pretty bad period, and I told myself that I could never do that to myself unless I was really willing and wanting to do it from all of my being.

Ok, this is getting long, so I will end this by saying that so far the fast has been wonderful and eye opening. I'm excited about the next two days.

Stay hydrated :)
Katie